Journal Entry Six  Red Sky At Morning
by Ryla Dante
Summary: Part 6...What the boys might be thinking after each episode if they could speak their own minds on MySpace...Sam and Dean now have their own personal blogs...so check in every week! Major spoilers for Red Sky At Morning. Semi AU...


A/N: I am extremely sorry I did not get this one out last week!! Yet, I have to say that episode did not give me much to work with...I think it was too much about Bela, whom I do not, IMO, care for. With that aside, the next blog should be on here later this morning or tomorrow...Now that we have a 2 week hiatus (there may be more...I am unsure of that as of yet.) I will be able to sit back and relax for a while and finish up on a SPN video I am currently working on and read a couple books I borrowed from the library. It is nice to be able to read something. The last time I read an actual book was last summer, and that was H.G. Wells' "War of the Worlds"...Now I am trying a new series by Kat Richardson...never heard of her or her books, so I thought, why not?

Hope you enjoy, and again sorry for the long time span!!! (By the way...in this blog, Dean's is written first this time. You will see why as you read them!)

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Dean's Blog...

November 8th, 2007 - Thursday

Okay let me get this out, yet again: Bela Talbot is still a BITCH!!!

First she steals that damned rabbit's foot. Strike one. Then she shoots my brother, major strike two! Then she steals my car! Strike three and you are out of the ballpark sweetie!! When I saw her face I was ready to tear into her like a monkey on a cupcake. Sammy should have let me shoot her. I was so ready if he had. My automatic was locked and loaded. I could have wasted her in 2 hits: Me hitting her, her hitting the floor! Maybe next week...

Hehe, seeing Daisy Moses with her paws all over Sammy was a Kodak moment. I so wish I could have been able to bring my phone in with me. Watching him squirm like a worm on a hook made me laugh a bit knowing what he had to do for any information we got that night. Yet of course he got the good stuff while that bitch, yes her, stole that damned hand from me. I still have no friggin' clue how she slipped that 'ship in a bottle' into my pocket. She has got to have the fastest hands in the north-east.

I practically died when she told us she saw that ship herself. I wanted to push her into the water and let it take her away to wherever the hell it came from. Maybe Captain Barbosa would steal her away to Davy Jones' locker or whatever. Hehe, love that movie, the monkey kills me...anywho.

Instead of telling Sam to read faster I should have told him to take his time, let her drown in the salt water that had filled her lungs and just let the rain wash her away, but that would be cruel even for us. She was, sadly, human after all. How much human, we are still unsure of.

Now...How many times do I have to say it? Or at the very least think it? Damn it Sammy you unselfish bastard, I tried to tell you how I felt and you just threw it back in my face. You are my baby brother and I love you and I hate that you do things that could damage that relationship. Going after the Crossroads demon was stupid and reckless, and you could have gotten killed, yet like I said I understand why you did it. You were just trying to save my ass. Although I think at this point in time something has short-circuited in that brain pan of yours and you are out to kill yourself. That is just not the way to...Okay I get it. Maybe I am reading into this wrong Sam but when you were Geekboy I acted as if you were a disease I needed a cure for, so now you are trying to be all big and bad like big brother Dean. The thing is, it scares me that you are this comfortable killing any random demon. I mean 'shoot first and ask questions later' has NEVER been your prerogative. Man, once you start becoming at home in the mind of a killer, there is definitely something wrong in your own!!

Okay I need to end here. I feel as if I may be getting a cold from all that damned rain. Sam is in the shower so I have to wait for 'anger-squared' to finish having an Herbal Essence moment. I just hope things get better between us. Even though the above portion of this was pretty harsh, I love Sammy. He knows it even if I may not say it enough. I guess I will have to work on that and quit hiding my feelings from him like Dad did with us. I don't want to distance myself like that, I want to try and change as best I know how.

Oh here comes Sam now. Oh damn it, he says he used up all the hot water. Guess I am taking yet another cold shower this week. That kid has a penchant for doing that crap. I swear he is worse than I am sometimes. Don't know what he does in there cause he comes out looking just the same as he did going in. Well, who am I to question the boy's methods of cleanliness? Whatever...See ya in the next town!

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Sam's Blog...

November 8th, 2007 - Thursday

I hate to say this but it was funny seeing Dean break like that over his car. He would shoot me if he were to ever read this, but him bent over having a major panic attack almost made me giggle. Of course it would not be the first time Dean had flipped so bad when his 'precious' was swept away. When his body double decided to take her he went all, as Dean would put it, nuttier than a fruitcake. Then once we saw that it was that psycho Bela that took it I almost wanted to kick myself for thinking that way. Maybe I should have let Dean shoot her, damn any witnesses. Would have saved us a lot of trouble.

You know what?? I think I will be taking up drinking as a professional hobby, maybe even make it a sport!! After getting my ass grabbed by Gert I should have downed more than just champagne. Maybe pounded back a shot from Dean's flask, or two! Then if she touched me again I would be too numb to notice. Plus the smug look on my brother's face made me want to smash his nose through to the back of his skull. He enjoys this crap WAY too damned much. Just because he can charm the pants, shirt and underclothes off any woman does not mean he can use me in that way...Oh well I guess whatever gets the job done. No matter, he will get a ton of jokes later about how much of a girl he looked like as he was practically kissing his boots!

Now...standing out in the rain trying to save some lowlife thief was not my idea of fun, nor did I feel as if it was something that benefitted anyone. I am not a cold-hearted bastard or anything, but I would have sooner left her there, water spurting from her vulgar mouth then try to entice some long dead spirit to deal with his own ghosts. Why do I have a bad feeling that we should have done just that?

Now I sit here, after taking a much needed shower, I think about my last conversation with Dean. Sometime he pisses me off to now end. I love him and want him to realize that there is more in this life than smart-ass remarks, cheap booze and cheaper woman. Ever since he made that deal his seems as if I am a whiny little bastard that is a know-it-all who just can't keep it opinions to himself. I hate to tell ya Dean, but my opinions are more important that you fail to realize.

I understand he was 'trying' to apologize, but coming from him and in his present situation it seemed like a vain attempt. Of course Dean never was the sincere type unless he really wanted something and could, as I said, charm his way out of things.

Maybe I should not have been so hostile towards him, but I am tired of pussy-footing around his ass anymore. I figure it this way: I have every right to say what I mean and mean what I say, and if big bro doesn't like then tough shit!

I just want to Dean to wake up and realize that I no longer need saved, that I do not need babied. I can take care of myself and deal with this situation. I may hate it like hell, but I can handle it just fine. It is Dean that has the issues not me. He clams up and changes the subject or smiles at the most inopportune times. It's ridiculous. I wish he would just give me a reason to drop the subject, just a single reason why I should let it all fall at the wayside. Maybe then I would never question him and stop acting like a German guard at Auschwitz. Until then...

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